21.11.2021
23.10.2021 Another sleepless night worrying away at old inadequacies of body and mind. Are these helpful thoughts? I entertain the fantasy of a final fight for Pyrrhic defeat as a forlorn signal to my peers that I have nothing worthwhile saving. I feel more comfortable thinking like this, it feels honest, the psychoanalysis light of CBT doesn't quite get there. I'm not looking for some medical tick-box, something I can show off as I get into the flow at work, some path to safety. Where is the safety in whiling away my hours in a company container? Machines are fabricated there as I specify a handful of the relevant parameters but these machines are mere tools for use in a convoluted and opaque society mediated by firms big enough to write legislation for governments. I can't flourish without an envelope to expand into and I don't think I'm about to be afforded one anytime soon. The phallic individualism of this society goads those unwilling to force the